There is no place like the Wilderness to come to the end of my SELF. The deeper into the Wilderness I go the more every capacity to perform in my own strength, my own understanding, even my own will dries up until I end up stalled out in the
What a question! Is Jesus enough? Do I need fellowship with other people to sustain me or is Jesus enough? Do I need a good church or a good worship service to feed me or is Jesus enough? Do I need to be understood and accepted by others or is Jesus enough? Do I need a spiritual experience that makes me “feel” His presence or is Jesus enough? Is Jesus enough or do I need healing, blessing, promotion, affirmation, direction, vision, or even ministry to satisfy me? Is my faith all about what I need and what I want and what I do in the name of God or is being with Jesus enough?
I am done lamenting the fact that I don’t “feel” God’s presence, hear His voice, or have fellowship right now. I am starting to understand that the Lord has removed these things from me in order to expose that which takes preeminence from Him. All those things are good but they are secondary to simply being with my Lord. I don’t need fellowship to know Christ. I don’t need prophetic encounters or spiritual experiences to know Christ. I just need Him. And you know what? He needs me too. He is crying out for His people to BE with Him. To sit at His feet and relate with Him, know His heart, and minister to HIS wants, needs, and desires. He created us to love Him and to be loved by Him. Are we not called the Bride of Christ? Marriage is the most intimate relationship that we know on earth and that is what He is after.
I believe that when Jesus is enough for me and I have made ministering to Him my priority that all these things that have dried up in the Desert will return and I will begin to walk out the Kingdom of God in the overflow of love that being in right relationship to the Head brings to the Body. In the
Beth,
ReplyDeleteYou and I a very much alike. I, however, have already gone through what you are going through.
Jesus is enough for me and for anyone who is seeking hard after Him and ~ I do need to fellowship with God's people in order to remain balanced; I need people to encourage me and I need people to correct me.
For me, when I didn't allow that body life, I became very unbalanced using the "Jeremiah" complex to justify/excuse the no one understands me persecution.
Having grown in a very remarkable and humbled manner after having cancer, God revealed to me my selfishness and selfness - pride, in other
words. Years prior to my cancer, thinking I was doing the will of God and specially gifted, in church and among friends I thought I "knew more than they knew because I spent desert time with God" and because of that I had a special knowing about how we should live as Christians. After cancer, and looking back, I repented for my arrogant pride and was ashamed that I could become so unChrist-like in telling others about themselves and what they should do with themselves. I believe I was the cause of some very deep hurt and it is my prayer that if anyone fell away because of me, that God has since drawn them back into fellowship with Him.
There are seasons to be alone, God uses them to pierce our souls. But please don't do what I did and think the "aloneness" was more spiritual and would bring me closer to Him. It was through a very severe trial, my cancer, that I realized how wrong I was and how much I needed mentoring relationships to help me be honed as "iron sharpens iron."
As a matter of fact, in our small groups we are learning about community; small group community and church community and the community outside our church.
Yesterday the pastor said, "Lonliness is the new epidemic." He is so true. I felt lonely for years and years. I am so ready to find and be a part of lifelong friendships!
This is what I wrote this morning: "I long for life long, authentic female relationships and couple relationships. It has been a long time since sharing in a trusted, vulnerable friendship.
In these past years of "aloneness", God has been faithful in showing me Himself and the trust I can have in Him in all things and through all things. I believe He is sovereign and my loneliness is no mistake.
Now that I have gone through the most severe and critical crisis and trauma of my life, I am ready for new relationships and discoveries in who I am. I am in Montana, in this church, in this small group and it is not coincidental but providential. At this time, this truth is all I know."
So, dear niece, it is my hope and prayer that you do not need to suffer as I did in my earlier years. At that time, I did not think it was suffering but now, I was indeed a very lonely woman.
I love you, Aunt Cyndi